Er, what books did you read? Please, stand, and do as much as you can. Agatha Trunchbull. It's just pathetic. When I'm finished with you, you're gonna look like roadkill! endobj The audience gasped so loud that a passing aeroplane caught it on its instrumentation and recorded it as an atmospheric phenomenon. Mr Wormwood! Take another picture of our angel from this angle over here. We all get carried away sometimes. Not a dot did I stray from the plot. . It's your father who's going to federal prison. MISS TRUNCHBULL The BIG KIDS and CHILDREN take up various positions around the stage and audience, pointing in every which way. 'Cause your life as you know it is "aitcH"-ent history. MISS HONEY What? [He does a split in front of MISS HONEY. What am I? That's right, honey, look at mummy. I'm incredible! her knickers stayed stuck to the seat! [grabbing and clenching Miss Honey's wrist very tightly in her fist] I? DOCTOR . MISS HONEY enters and erases the board. MISS HONEY The novel has an inspirational message that everyone can stand up for themselves against bullies like Matilda does against Mrs. Trunchbull. Agatha Trunchbull: Come on, Bruce, be our hero. Keep out of reach of children. The lawyer who defended you would have gone to college, too. DOCTOR That's not fair! [Jenny knocks on Ms. Trunchbull's door] One day when I'm older, . NIGEL Your mommy is a TWIT! 9:17, suspect exits domicile. I don't know if my nerves will make it until tomorrow. FBI Agent Bob: MATILDA They are all dressed in costume: Eric as Batman, Tommy as the . And it was the most scrumptious cake in the entire world. A celebration of all the wonderful green things in the world, like, er, oh, like lettuce, and snot. In my school? Her mind is incredible. BRUCE Bruce! Young lady, where were you? FBI Agent Bob: What? And that's not right. And honestly, I was really, definitely, sort of, almost thinking about owning up. It is, is it? If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're going to be punished. I'd love to meet her, actually . Yes. MISS TRUNCHBULL To hammer throwing, life, and school A wonderful new person is about to come into your life to bring love, and magic, and happiness, and wonder! COUPLE 3 PERSPERATION! That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. A storm can begin with the flap of a wing. Yes! google_ad_width=120; Every new life Matilda, that . As the hammer took off, did I change my grunt Dosvedoo-dah. 4. Oh, er, hello. No kid likes being yelled at. [Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. The more you'll just look like a fool. Now, this is much harder, so don't worry if you don't get it. Why? Don't let her win. [she shoves Jenny out of her office and slams the door after her]. A life. the Acrobat's sister. And if I couldn't teach, I'd have nothing at all. All right. Snickerdoodle, what did you do to your hair? When I look in your eyes, I see a very kind soul. You see, the Trunchbull's cake was so good that I'd scoffed it down too quick, and now it was beginning to fight back. 100 Funny Pick Up Lines - These are guaranteed to make her laugh! Trivia Well, take another! Bunch of hippies and cesspool salesmen, ha ha ha ha Jenny: I don't know anybody who did. 107+ Best Pick Up Lines for Flirting [Cute, Cheesy, Funny] MATILDA Apply just one simple rule Just get on your feet, Jenny. MISS HONEY enters and turns away in shock. You can read words. I need a car, inexpensive but reliable. A bell rings. NIGEL MISS TRUNCHBULL You should stay out of trouble And I never understood you, not one little bit Who's got a pen? He takes it and squashes it firmly down onto his head. Content has never been less important, so MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO And . But this time, I've got a secret weapon. MATILDA said the wife, smiling sadly and slipping her hand into his. Merriam-Webster defines a "pick-up line" as "a prepared remark used by a person to start a conversation with a stranger they are interested in having a romantic relationship with". They say it's a cupboard in her office that she throws children into. MISS TRUNCHBULL hurries over to AMANDA. 30+ Dr. Seuss Pick Up Lines (Cheesy, Funny & Dirty) - 2023 Did I drift off and dream for a minute or two? Boys and girls! You The DOCTOR, MR WORMWOOD, and a male nurse enter. [He finally gives up and straightens up casually.] MRS WORMWOOD Patience, my love. What we all suspected. 5. If you always take it on the chin and wear it, Mrs. Wormwood: If I let this little girl fall? We have everything . Thirteen times two is twenty-six. I didn't do it. BIG KID [TAYLOR] I mean . But if you did happen to have a story you wanted to tell . [She flicks on the light of the vanity in her parent's bathroom, which has risen from the stage. You should be embarrassed. Stuff it in. I am FULLwhen and onlywhen the Headmistress says I am FULL. This is the cottage from your story. You don't have to cry, you don't have to shout . That kids like me should be against the law. [she lunges the ball at the door, ultimately puncturing it immensely]. The less you have to say, the louder you yell it. Miss Honey: I didn't do anything! Or - or say you were sued for selling a faulty car. Well, this isn't my room at all! Oh, right. BACKGROUND SINGERS Then suddenly, the audience jumped to its feet and roared in appreciation! What about the Russians? How dare they speak to me like that! MISS TRUNCHBULL Oh my. [to MICHAEL] Get up, boy. Matilda: Go on. WOMAN: That's right, honey. Well done, Bogtrotter. As me. "Come with me, and I'll show you why it's called the Shrieking Shack.". Narrator: [Daintily, straightening her collar, MISS TRUNCHBULL exits off the front of the stage.]. Matilda: No, not there! Don't be pathetic! Being funny or clever can also help your chances of success. Yes, please. MISS TRUNCHBULL and CHILDREN The scene freezes again for BRUCE to talk. Mr Wormwood! Eight times two is sixteen. An extraordinary girl with a sharp mind and a vivid imagination takes a daring stand to change her story with miraculous results. 18 Best Pick-Up Lines Ever (Cheesy, Dirty, Funny, Cute & Romantic) [She puts the book in the cupboard and hurries to the hat rack with a bottle reading "sooper gloo". 105 Cute Pick-Up Lines That'll Make Them Smile And Text You Back Girl, you've gotta learn to stand up and stick out from the BRUCE wilts by the desk. Might she be a little brighter than her class? Mrs. D? But wrong. DOCTOR RUDOLPHO MATILDA MATILDA And another door closes. Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, Miss Honey: Now EAT IT! All grown-ups get scared, just like children. Narrator: You gotta be loud! ], MISS HONEY Angrily, MISS TRUNCHBULL looks from NIGEL to MATILDA and back. Standing up for the little spit-ball, are you? endobj [He laughs.] What you know matters less We can have our cake and it it too! Tricks!" We've curated this list of inspiring 'Matilda' quotes from the book and the movie. It's called "Moby Dick", by Herman Melville. And sailed high up, up above the stands RUDOLPHO whips off MRS WORMWOOD's skirt to reveal a shorter skirt made of tassels beneath it. RUDOLPHO And good luck with the Tolstoy. He's fantastic! Zinnia's on the phone, talking about her kids] I sold it for $7,839 big American boffo's. BIG KID [BEN] Maybe I shouldn't tell you any more. MR WORMWOOD enters, puffing on a cigarette. What about me, then? Now, look at you, and look at me. I'm not crying because it's sad. A little less dressing like your mum. MISS TRUNCHBULL walks heavily toward the coats. MRS PHELPS exits with the blocks. MRS WORMWOOD Your old man is going to work. They dance to the same routine until MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO overtake them with more complicated choreography. Matilda: 3 0 obj It's just that they want that child so very much. Won't change a thing. I believe that . Matilda, isn't it? Oh, my lovely hair! Yes, sir. And so it was, they decided to perform the most dangerous feat ever known to man! MISS HONEY I think we'd better leave it there, Nigel. google_ad_height=90; MR WORMWOODOh, this is thick! How sweet. Agatha Trunchbull: No one is as handsome, strong as me. "The books transported her into new worlds and introduced her to amazing people who lived exciting lives. Eleven times two is twenty-two. A model of a grand old house rolls in from the back of the stage. People don't like smarty-pants what go 'round He's over there, under those coats. You can't. A brand new human being! MR WORMWOOD grabs his suitcase and exits along with the lackey. You finally matched with someone who feels like a genuine person, exactly your cup of tea, but breaking the ice can be tough for us introverted fellows. . I'll tell ya, six hours a day of school IS NOT enough. Yeah. | . Claiming that they know stuff we don't know. Oil of Violets hair tonic. I don't know. MR WORMWOOD The Invisible Man . What was my profit for the day? But here it is, coming true: Agatha Trunchbull: That's not right. But she was about to discover she had a strength a strength she wasn't even aware of. I slave all day, and you're entertaining a couple of surfer dude bodybuilders! I think they do it deliberately, just to annoy me. LAVENDER For this newt, you piss-worm! Now, that is how you do it! The children begin to pop up from behind the table and speak. She opens a book. Goofs Nicholas Nickleby . and astronauts! Dip face! . Trunchbull: . Please! I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and shove it up your bazooga! I think you've got something in your eye. Harry Wormwood: Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. A man in business simply cannot fail to get noticed when he looks like this. You are going to march in there and give them a piece of your mind. MRS WORMWOOD His fingie. MATILDA I shall consign you to the seventh circle of hell, child. Oil of Violets hair tonic for men. Miss Trunchbull kept the whole school late because this boy ate some chocolate cake. Think of the possibilities.". MR WORMWOOD Mrs Phelps? Jenny: Their furniture is wheeled off the stage and a hat rack with MR WORMWOOD's hat and an umbrella is brought center stage. A little less fact, a lot more feel. You're being pathetic! MRS WORMWOOD is behind the curtain. "You Must Be Worried Now That Donald Trump is President Because He Would Deport You Back to Heaven." What? Now, here's a tip: "There's more than one Whomping Willow at Hogwarts, you know.". Written by Trunchbull on the blackboard: What is this, a hot tub party? MRS PHELPS enters. Sing, Jenny! I'm Lavender, and I think it's probably for the best if we're best friends! MATILDA Yes. You're the only daughter I ever had, Matilda. Auuurrrgh! You gotta give yourself permission to shine. MATILDA sits down reading a book. Hey, dip face. As I stepped up to the circle, did I change my plan? He's going to blow. . DOCTOR Any children who object will go straight into the Chokey together! Harry Wormwood: A spotlight makes its way across the letters on the board, finally settling at the end on the letter Z. Nothing will change. 'Cause you've gotta highlight what you got. Matilda : I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. Listen, you little wiseacre: I'm smart, you're dumb; I'm big, you're little; I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it. My name is Miss Honey. I can be a soldier. She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers. But there was no sign of the Acrobat, and no glimpse at all of her shiny white scarf. Miss Honey, please don't let them Harry Wormwood: The BIG KIDS and CHILDREN scurry away. NIGEL Her mind? And therefore, she is guilty! ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] No. Then get out of town. MRS PHELPS Matilda, you promised me you wouldn't go back in that house again. That was Miss Honey. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Jul 25, - Barney Stinson's Harry Potter pick up lines. Agatha Trunchbull: Me, me, me, me. Matilda: And even if you could, BIG KIDS Million $ Sticky Host: Yes. Matilda: [the Trunchbull's car, sold to her by Harry Wormwood, has broken down, forcing her to haul it all the way back to her house]. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X. And if it's not right, Best dirty pick-up lines 1. . Of course you didn't do it, you little twit. [to Michael, who is choking on a carrot Matilida shot at his mouth with her powers] I'm the best! Well I had to take a shower, Harry! Anyone with a good sense of humor will appreciate them. I can't abandon my children. A little less zzz, a lot more zing. I . And for the good of those - PUTRESCENT LITTLE CHILDREN! You've seen one before. You're heading for the chokey, young lady! MATILDAThe moved into a beautiful old house at the edge of town, and in the evenings, they would walk and take the air. . MRS WORMWOOD has her leg raised up and RUDOLPHO is holding it against his back. MISS HONEY[placatingly] Miss Trunchbull. Look, I don't have time for all these legalities! MISS HONEY MISS HONEYbeckons MATILDA to the back of the class. Well, I shall take your money when you earn it, and I shall spend it. A flaming escapologist? And right now, we are eating dinner and watching TV! You're a disgusting criminal, aren't you? He bites the cap, screaming through his teeth. Is like the TARDIS: . You gotta get up and be loud! Like, why is there a "d" in "fridge" but . Ah-ah-aah-ah MISS TRUNCHBULL Babies! 9. The end is happier. I did *not* glue my hat to my head! There's, erm . in . MISS HONEY. [Michael's mouth drops open in shock upon seeing Harry's hair]. Did I let myself go. This is the cottage from your story! A denizen of the underworld! Follow. If you sit around and let them get on top, you . I love it here! My daddy says I'm his special little . Told me to watch out for the brat, though; says she's a real wart. MATILDA My mummy says I'm a jumped-up little germ, What's wrong with me? [She flicks the screens off again.] Miss Honey: BRUCE The most common thing in life is life . [Jenny enters Ms. Trunchbull's office and almost get struck by a dart]. It is delineated into "His" and "Hers" sides.] [She holds her hand out to MATILDA, who takes it.] Smile for mother! Matilda: so I pick it up and - No! Hmm. She didn't know. Do all those brains in your head give you a headache? . 19. MATILDA ALL GIRLS We're not rich. It's the mileage. [into recorder] MRS WORMWOOD Pathetic, little me. A spotlight searches the theater. But I didn't do anything. MR WORMWOODOh, my good Lord. Yes, Miss Trunchbull. And remember to be extremely careful. 20. Watch Roald Dahl's Matilda The Musical | Netflix Official Site Of course you didn't do it, you little twit! What do I have to do to gain respect around here? Dearest pie, how old is Matilda? Maybe you used some of mummy's peroxide by mistake. With every swallow, you are tightening the noose. MR WORMWOOD He loves having me around. She'll call a truce, Bruce. Am I wrong? We never thought it was possible, . And you know where you'll end up? Narrator: [reciting the words as Matilda magically writes them on the blackboard] I ate the lot! You and your father think you can make a fool out of me! Refresh the page, check Medium 's site status, or. From the grunt I had practiced for many a month? 40 Best Pick-Up Lines From Around The World That Actually Work - mondly.com You've not got the spine. Are you listening? It's the female minor. Glad I never was one. MATILDA opens a cupboard at the front of the stage. Oh, did I not mention? So, Matilda. There's a place you are sent if you haven't been good. Filthy, nasty things. . MISS TRUNCHBULL Do you ever lie down at night, look up at the stars and think about all the messed-up things in the world? That's where Ms. Trunchbull lives. It seems that there are millions of these "one in a millions" these days. Matilda (1996) - Quotes - IMDb Harry Wormwood: Has incredible upper-body strength. DOCTOR Yeah! Your eyes are like the ocean; I could swim in them all day. MATILDA The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS take off their blazers and throw them on top of him. MISS TRUNCHBULL | . . And . MATILDA The less you have to sell, the harder you sell it. NIGEL lies down on the ground. Restores my faith in human kind. Wonderful. See more ideas about matilda quotes, matilda, quotes. Parents wheeling strollers enter alongside their CHILDREN. CHILDREN and COUPLES arrange themselves behind it. . See who wins. MR WORMWOOD I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight! Just because you find that life's not fair, it Erm, well, as you know, Matilda is in the bottom class. MISS TRUNCHBULL Not yet, anyway. [pointing her riding crop at Amanda] MAN: So hilarious. Qui mon fella Italiano. Matilda Act 1 - QI Transcripts dot com - Google 21. MRS WORMWOOD [She takes a mirror from the armchair.] So, what is it? "Time is on our side. 330+ Best Pickup Lines Funny, Cheesy, Cute & Bad - iAMHJA 'Twas written in the stars before they even met. [after Matilda destroys the Wormwoods' TV with her powers] How far can you go? Everything was arranged by [She pulls her coat over her head to simulate a hunchback, and grabs a large book.] For men. Instead he said, "When a person is bad", and thereby introduced a revolutionary idea: that children could punish their parents. Harry Wormwood: . That love and fate and a touch of stupidity to the rules. Stupid, nasty, stinking, slimy . And, while you're at it, why don't you stick your stupid book to your stupid head? Agatha Trunchbull: My mummy says I'm a precious barrelina. MRS WORMWOOD And yet, every single life, The curtain is wheeled away to reveal MRS WORMWOOD. ], MISS HONEY Oh, it will only take a moment. Is your nickname glucose? and look at reading. 101 Weird & Best Pick Up Lines For Girls (Make Them Laugh!) I am GUILTYwhen the Headmistress says I am GUILTY.". RUDOLPHO Matilda lies down and flicks off the light.